Helicopter Parenting and Why
Helicopter parenting is probably the last thing you're thinking of as you prepare to build a family through adoption.
Heck, if you're like me, you probably never even heard of the term as you prayed and planned for that child.
You Should Learn to Say No
But it might benefit you to think about it now, in between filling out paperwork, furnishing your future nursery and fundraising activities.
That's because as an adoptive parent, it can both a huge temptation, and a detriment to that precious child you can't wait to hold in your arms.
What is Helicopter Parenting?
Helicopter parenting is being over involved in every aspect of your child's life to the point that you literally hover over them, hence the term "helicopter parenting".
Naturally, you will want to keep an eye on your daughter's every move when she's crawling on the floor, and yes, you need to make sure she has a jacket on when she goes out into the cool air - at least when she's small.
But if you find yourself making sure your tiny tot finds friends at the playground, you're likely going too far.
It's only natural to want the best for your children and protect them from traumas in life, but you have to learn to stop now - or better still - never start, or you could wind up like some moms who call their college-aged children in the mornings to wake them so they can make it to class on time, as well as do their laundry and organize their schedules.
Playing secretary to your children is neither healthy for you nor your children, and while college may seem far away, it will be here before you know it.
A Healthy Development
Pain and failure are two of the most beneficial elements of a healthy development.
I homeschool my son, and I've noticed that he rarely remembers the quizzes he aces.
Instead, it's the tests he fails that he really pays attention to.
Look back at your own experiences.
As excruciating as some moments in your life were, the painful episodes were likely the ones that taught you the most.
Your children are no exception.
They need to learn to solve the small problems now - and learn to deal with failures - before they are in college and at the workplace.
Setting Children Up for Failure
Take over too many times and your child gets the message that she is incapable of handling anything in her life.
You will cripple your child to the point where she won't be able to function for herself.
College administrators as well as employers have remarked that children raised by helicopter parenting - those moms who bring repeatedly brought in homework and forgotten lunch money - develop a sense of entitlement and expect to always be taken care of this way.
It makes them real monsters in the workplace.
And besides, without mommy around, it can get pretty lonely.
I once taught a child in Sunday school with a hovering mom who at the age of five was already out of control and impossible to deal with.
In a rare moment of truth, he looked me straight in the eye and said, "Nobody likes me."
Nobody likes the kind of monster helicopter parenting develops.
So do that precious child you are waiting for a favor and plan to back off now.
How to Become a Positive Parent
Teach your children that good behavior will lead to positive benefits.
There are a number of ways to do this, including using a parenting program that allows children to earn tickets for demonstrating good behaviors and positive values.
Learn to modify your child's behavior by watching your language.
By stating commands in the positive rather than the negative, you can teach your children in subtle, yet powerful ways.
You can practice better discipline methods by teaching your children that it is their behavior, rather than your anger, that has both positive and negative outcomes, eliminating your anger and frustration in the process.
Peace at Home
There are excellent programs out there to help you with this goal.
The important thing is to take a positive step toward positive reinforcement parenting.
Your home will become more harmonious, and you'll all be happier and live in a more peaceful environment.
More Information on Raising Adopted Children
Do you long to adopt more children, but feel like you can't afford it?
Finances are the number one reason many children do not adopt a second or third child. But it can be done.
We adopted all three of our children without going into debt. So can you.
Are you single and thinking about adopting? It can be tough to be a kid raised by a single parent, but there are also advantages to being a single parent.
Adopted children who are now grown can tell us a lot about how to raise an adopted child. Here are some tips.
The first time you hold that precious child in your arms, you may be tempted to protect her from every conceivable harm. But that may not be the best thing for her.
Here are some reasons to avoid helicopter parenting.
Although it is rare, there are failed international adoptions. Learn the warning signs before it is too late by reading this article.
When celebrities like Madonna are raising adopted children, it has an impact on international adoption for both good and ill. Learn how.
Learning about adoption does not have to be a major or traumatic issue for your child. Learn some useful tips on telling her about her adoption here.
Good parenting skills are something most adoptive parents are thinking about while on their international adoption journey.
We truly appreciate these precious children and want to raise them the best way we know how. Read more.
Raising adopted children through a permissive parenting style is an easy trap for adoptive parents to fall into, but if you choose to parent your child without rules both you and your child will suffer for it.
Sign language is a great tool for anyone raising adopted children, especially internationally adopted children by providing parents with an easier way of communication during those early days and easing frustration for their child.
Most adoption stories are told from the parent's perspective.
It was truly refreshing, therefore, when I stumbled across the story of one adoptee who reunited with her family in Taiwan.
An international adoption resource to help parents effectively communicate with their newly adopted children was the goal of one adoptive mom when she created Russian for Adoptive Parents and Chinese for Adoptive Parents.
These programs teach parents comfort phrases in their children's native languages. Read more.
Having a learning disabled child is likely, especially if you adopt more than one child internationally or even domestically.
But these children can be just as intelligent as any other child, and raising adopted children with learning disabilities can be delightful, although they will have their own unique challenges.
Children that are adopted; what's the rest of their story?
What happens to them when they are grown, and how do they feel about being adopted?
International Adoption Facts and Information is starting a new series where we hear the stories of adults who were adopted internationally as children.
This is the first in that series.
Adopted children and parents who are raising adopted children are no different from any other relationship between a parent and child.
It's not biology that makes a relationship, but rather time, devotion and love.
Here is one adopted person's story.
International adoption Mexico is one person's story of being born in Mexico and then eventually be adopted in the United States.
Adopted child syndrome - ever heard of it?
Basically, it's a controversial label used to explain hurtful and destructive behaviors in adopted children such as violence, defiant behavior, lying, stealing and reactive attachment disorder.
If your child has been diagnosed with ADHD, take heart; it's not nearly as difficult to raise a child with ADHD as you may think.
But please do think twice before putting him on a prescription medication.
Want to build your newly adopted child's immune system, protecting him from a host of nasty bacterial, viral and fungal infections?
Feed him this healthy oil.
For the best bonding experience in the world plus the best nutrition for your newly adopted baby, consider breastfeeding him.
Yes, it can be done. Read more.
Have you ever wondered what the phrase, positive parenting means? It's learning to focus on the positives rather than the negatives.
Looking for ways to raise your children without nagging or yelling?
What happens if the child you adopt is displaying autistic tendencies? Take heart; he or she will very likely improve with time.
Nobody wants to adopt a child with serious emotional problems, but being prepared for the unexpected is the best way to successful parenting and preventing a disrupted adoption.
Understanding the reasons why siblings fight is a good way to prevent rivalries and promote family harmony.
Adoption books are a great way to explain adoption to young children and open the door for discussion about sensitive adoption issues such as birth parents, and why your child was placed for adoption.
Here are some great books your child will love.
Learning to cook ethnic recipes from your child's country of birth will be a comfort to your older child and a great learning experience for children adopted at a younger age.
If you're waiting for your adopted child to be grown before telling him he's adopted, you may be doing more harm than good.
If your child is of another race, make sure you teach your child to be proud of his race and to appreciate his and other cultures.
When a child is adopted internationally, he must not only deal with the shock of new parents, but also often a new language, customs and even different food.
Follow these tips to make the transition easier.
It's always best to be open with your child about his adoption, but how do you approach the subject with him?
Here are some tips.
Your grown child is looking for his birthparent. So should you feel threatened?
Are you worried that your newly adopted child is so different you won't be able to attach to her?
Then you need to read this article.
As adoptive parents, we often place high expectations on ourselves as parents and it's easy to become discouraged.
That's when it's time to realize you're a normal parent with normal feelings.
A birth mother who searches for, and even comes back to take back a child she has given up for adoption.
Is this possible?
This issue was addressed recently in the hit show Glee, when teen mom Quinn, who had given up her baby for adoption in a previous season, announced she wanted to get her daughter back.
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