Adoptees Grown Up
Adoptees grown up are just like anyone else.
Sometimes they'll have issues about their childhood, and sometimes they won't.
If they do have issues with their childhood, those issues will occasionally be tied in with their adoption or they might not.
But for the most part, an adopted child is just like any other child.
What They Can Teach Us
Not being an adoptee myself, I can't tell you how it feels to be adopted, and I wouldn't venture to guess.
However, after reading the blogs of several adoptees grown up, here are a few tips I have gleaned.
Don't Tell Everybody Your Child is Adopted
I made this mistake a lot with my oldest.
He started out as our foster child, and the court eventually ruled his birth mom wasn't capable of caring for him.
After the adoption was finalized, I caught myself frequently telling others my son was adopted.
I realize now I was feeling guilty; my son was taken from one woman and given to me.
But my son needs a mom, not a bag of emotions.
Adoption is a private matter, something your child might not want to discuss with everyone he sees.
Adoptees grown up who later share about their adoption will frequently say they preferred telling others about their adoption when they felt ready.
Speak About the Birth Parent Positively and With Respect
Adoptees grown up sometimes want to know about their birth parents, and if that's the case, they have a right to learn about those families without your bias attached.
My parents were divorced when I was six, and the times when my mom criticized my dad within my hearing, it felt as if she were attacking me.
I can't help but think our children will feel the same way if we make the mistake of criticizing their biological parents in their presence.
Give Your Children Permission to Seek Their Biological Families When Grown
Again, adoptees grown up may want to find their birth families or they may not.
Whatever their decision, make sure they understand you won't be hurt or feel threatened if they choose to seek out these relationships.
Remember You Are the Real Mom and Dad
And while we're on this subject, don't waste any time worrying that your children won't consider you their "real" mom or dad.
People who ask adoptees who their "real" mom is have never experienced adoption first hand.
I get extremely annoyed with society's notion that biology is the only tie that binds.
Real parents are the ones who teach their children how to catch a baseball or ride a bike, the ones who sit up all night with children who are sick, and who are with those children day in and day out.
Ask most grown adoptees, and they'll say the same thing.
Your Children Won't Be Different
Yes, adopted children can have issues, just like anyone else.
But being adopted won't necessarily be the source of those issues.
Grown up adopted children will tell you their experience felt perfectly normal to them - and they're perfectly normal today.
Just Because They're Adopted
How to Become a Positive Parent
Teach your children that good behavior will lead to positive benefits.
There are a number of ways to do this, including using a parenting program that allows children to earn tickets for demonstrating good behaviors and positive values.
Learn to modify your child's behavior by watching your language.
By stating commands in the positive rather than the negative, you can teach your children in subtle, yet powerful ways.
You can practice better discipline methods by teaching your children that it is their behavior, rather than your anger, that has both positive and negative outcomes, eliminating your anger and frustration in the process.
Peace at Home
There are excellent programs out there to help you with this goal.
The important thing is to take a positive step toward positive reinforcement parenting.
Your home will become more harmonious, and you'll all be happier and live in a more peaceful environment.
More Information on Raising Adopted Children
Do you long to adopt more children, but feel like you can't afford it?
Finances are the number one reason many children do not adopt a second or third child. But it can be done.
We adopted all three of our children without going into debt. So can you.
Are you single and thinking about adopting? It can be tough to be a kid raised by a single parent, but there are also advantages to being a single parent.
Adopted children who are now grown can tell us a lot about how to raise an adopted child. Here are some tips.
The first time you hold that precious child in your arms, you may be tempted to protect her from every conceivable harm. But that may not be the best thing for her.
Here are some reasons to avoid helicopter parenting.
Although it is rare, there are failed international adoptions. Learn the warning signs before it is too late by reading this article.
When celebrities like Madonna are raising adopted children, it has an impact on international adoption for both good and ill. Learn how.
Learning about adoption does not have to be a major or traumatic issue for your child. Learn some useful tips on telling her about her adoption here.
Good parenting skills are something most adoptive parents are thinking about while on their international adoption journey.
We truly appreciate these precious children and want to raise them the best way we know how. Read more.
Raising adopted children through a permissive parenting style is an easy trap for adoptive parents to fall into, but if you choose to parent your child without rules both you and your child will suffer for it.
Sign language is a great tool for anyone raising adopted children, especially internationally adopted children by providing parents with an easier way of communication during those early days and easing frustration for their child.
Most adoption stories are told from the parent's perspective.
It was truly refreshing, therefore, when I stumbled across the story of one adoptee who reunited with her family in Taiwan.
An international adoption resource to help parents effectively communicate with their newly adopted children was the goal of one adoptive mom when she created Russian for Adoptive Parents and Chinese for Adoptive Parents.
These programs teach parents comfort phrases in their children's native languages. Read more.
Having a learning disabled child is likely, especially if you adopt more than one child internationally or even domestically.
But these children can be just as intelligent as any other child, and raising adopted children with learning disabilities can be delightful, although they will have their own unique challenges.
Children that are adopted; what's the rest of their story?
What happens to them when they are grown, and how do they feel about being adopted?
International Adoption Facts and Information is starting a new series where we hear the stories of adults who were adopted internationally as children.
This is the first in that series.
Adopted children and parents who are raising adopted children are no different from any other relationship between a parent and child.
It's not biology that makes a relationship, but rather time, devotion and love.
Here is one adopted person's story.
International adoption Mexico is one person's story of being born in Mexico and then eventually be adopted in the United States.
Adopted child syndrome - ever heard of it?
Basically, it's a controversial label used to explain hurtful and destructive behaviors in adopted children such as violence, defiant behavior, lying, stealing and reactive attachment disorder.
If your child has been diagnosed with ADHD, take heart; it's not nearly as difficult to raise a child with ADHD as you may think.
But please do think twice before putting him on a prescription medication.
Want to build your newly adopted child's immune system, protecting him from a host of nasty bacterial, viral and fungal infections?
Feed him this healthy oil.
For the best bonding experience in the world plus the best nutrition for your newly adopted baby, consider breastfeeding him.
Yes, it can be done. Read more.
Have you ever wondered what the phrase, positive parenting means? It's learning to focus on the positives rather than the negatives.
Looking for ways to raise your children without nagging or yelling?
What happens if the child you adopt is displaying autistic tendencies? Take heart; he or she will very likely improve with time.
Nobody wants to adopt a child with serious emotional problems, but being prepared for the unexpected is the best way to successful parenting and preventing a disrupted adoption.
Understanding the reasons why siblings fight is a good way to prevent rivalries and promote family harmony.
Adoption books are a great way to explain adoption to young children and open the door for discussion about sensitive adoption issues such as birth parents, and why your child was placed for adoption.
Here are some great books your child will love.
Learning to cook ethnic recipes from your child's country of birth will be a comfort to your older child and a great learning experience for children adopted at a younger age.
If you're waiting for your adopted child to be grown before telling him he's adopted, you may be doing more harm than good.
If your child is of another race, make sure you teach your child to be proud of his race and to appreciate his and other cultures.
When a child is adopted internationally, he must not only deal with the shock of new parents, but also often a new language, customs and even different food.
Follow these tips to make the transition easier.
It's always best to be open with your child about his adoption, but how do you approach the subject with him?
Here are some tips.
Your grown child is looking for his birthparent. So should you feel threatened?
Are you worried that your newly adopted child is so different you won't be able to attach to her?
Then you need to read this article.
As adoptive parents, we often place high expectations on ourselves as parents and it's easy to become discouraged.
That's when it's time to realize you're a normal parent with normal feelings.
A birth mother who searches for, and even comes back to take back a child she has given up for adoption.
Is this possible?
This issue was addressed recently in the hit show Glee, when teen mom Quinn, who had given up her baby for adoption in a previous season, announced she wanted to get her daughter back.
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