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The Permissive Parenting StyleA permissive parenting style is an easy trap for adoptive parents to fall into, but if you choose to parent your child without rules both you and your child will suffer for it.
Trust me; I understand. You've been waiting for this precious child forever.
You have likely struggled with infertility issues and have had to prove time and again to social workers, adoption case workers, workers overseas, and likely yourself that you truly are a good parent who will love your child always.
However, these feelings of inadequacy and guilt, these longings for a relationship with a child can turn to your detriment if you succumb to the temptation of a permissive parenting style. What is a Permissive Parenting Style?It's an environment where you strive for peace, love and happiness at all costs. You want your child to feel loved, and if we were to be brutally honest about it, you really need your child to love you back, so instead of being a parent, you act more like a friend. You become lax about the rules and bribe your children into behaving with goodies and gifts.The Costs of a Permissive Parenting StyleChildren who are raised by permissive parents tend to become adults with no self discipline and very little respect for the boundaries of others. They become instilled with a sense of self entitlement. They want it, so they are going to have it regardless of what the other person's needs or wants are.The results of a permissive parenting style are dangerous for teenagers and devastating for a grown child. A teenager with permissive parents is likely to get involved with alcohol and drugs and other dangerous behaviors. The adult who has been raised with permissive parents will likely be unable to have healthy relationships, keep a job or manage their finances. I don't think anyone truly wants their child to end up this way, but it will happen and sooner than you think unless you make the decision now that there will be rules and you will enforce them. How to Avoid a Permissive Parenting StyleIf your children realize you value peace and good feelings above all else, you give your children power over you that in the long run destroys your relationship. You will harbor deep feelings of resentment toward your child, and he in turn will resent and disrespect you.Instead, make sure your needs for friendship and love are met by someone other than your child. Yes, there are rewards to adopting and raising children, and yes, they will love you. But they are not there to meet your needs. You are there to meet their needs, and what they need most of all is a loving parent who is not afraid to set rules and enforce them, even if it means occasionally making a child angry. By giving your children the freedom to dislike you from time to time, they learn to follow the rules and respect the rights of others. They also love you more. Sounds odd, I know, but we most strongly desire those things that are harder to obtain. So set rules for your children, enforce them, and someday you will have the responsible, kind adult you always dreamed of having. More Information on Raising Adopted ChildrenAre you single and thinking about adopting? It can be tough to be a kid raised by a single parent, but there are also advantages to being a single parent.Adopted children who are now grown can tell us a lot about how to raise an adopted child. Here are some tips. The first time you hold that precious child in your arms, you may be tempted to protect her from every conceivable harm. But that may not be the best thing for her. Here are some reasons to avoid helicopter parenting. Although it is rare, there are failed international adoptions. Learn the warning signs before it is too late by reading this article. When celebrities like Madonna are raising adopted children, it has an impact on international adoption for both good and ill. Learn how. Learning about adoption does not have to be a major or traumatic issue for your child. Learn some useful tips on telling her about her adoption here. Good parenting skills are something most adoptive parents are thinking about while on their international adoption journey. We truly appreciate these precious children and want to raise them the best way we know how. Read more. |
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