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Adoptees Grown Up
What They Can Teach Us
Adoptees grown up are just like anyone else.
Sometimes they'll have issues about their childhood, and sometimes they won't.
If they do have issues with their childhood, those issues will occasionally be tied in with their adoption or they might not.
But for the most part, an adopted child is just like any other child.
Not being an adoptee myself, I can't tell you how it feels to be adopted, and I wouldn't venture to guess.
However, after reading the blogs of several adoptees grown up, here are a few tips I have gleaned.
Don't Tell Everybody Your Child is Adopted
I made this mistake a lot with my oldest.
He started out as our foster child, and the court eventually ruled his birth mom wasn't capable of caring for him.
After the adoption was finalized, I caught myself frequently telling others my son was adopted.
I realize now I was feeling guilty; my son was taken from one woman and given to me.
But my son needs a mom, not a bag of emotions.
Adoption is a private matter, something your child might not want to discuss with everyone he sees.
Adoptees grown up who later share about their adoption will frequently say they preferred telling others about their adoption when they felt ready.
Speak About the Birth Parent Positively and With Respect
Adoptees grown up sometimes want to know about their birth parents, and if that's the case, they have a right to learn about those families without your bias attached.
My parents were divorced when I was six, and the times when my mom criticized my dad within my hearing, it felt as if she were attacking me.
I can't help but think our children will feel the same way if we make the mistake of criticizing their biological parents in their presence.
Give Your Children Permission to Seek Their Biological Families When Grown
Again, adoptees grown up may want to find their birth families or they may not.
Whatever their decision, make sure they understand you won't be hurt or feel threatened if they choose to seek out these relationships.
Remember You Are the Real Mom and Dad
And while we're on this subject, don't waste any time worrying that your children won't consider you their "real" mom or dad.
People who ask adoptees who their "real" mom is have never experienced adoption first hand.
I get extremely annoyed with society's notion that biology is the only tie that binds.
Real parents are the ones who teach their children how to catch a baseball or ride a bike, the ones who sit up all night with children who are sick, and who are with those children day in and day out.
Ask most adoptees grown up, and they'll say the same thing.
Your Children Won't Be Different
Just Because They're Adopted
Yes, adopted children can have issues, just like anyone else.
But being adopted won't necessarily be the source of those issues.
Adoptees grown up will tell you their experience felt perfectly normal to them - and they're perfectly normal today.
More Information on Raising Adopted Children
Are you single and thinking about adopting? It can be tough to be a kid raised by a single parent, but there are also advantages to being a single parent.
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